Arguably the world’s most recognizable American family is the Simpson’s. With nearly 500 episodes and 22 seasons, they continue to fill our Sunday evenings with joy. Most of us gather round the TV with our own family and laugh at all the hysterical antics of theirs.

Being the patriarch that he is, Homer has laid forth quite a bit of knowledge on family and raising children. He may not be the perfect dad but he sure loves his kids, even if he has a weird way of showing it. We all might be able to learn a thing or two from him. Here are his 20 best quotes on parenting.

20.) “No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don’t like their jobs, they don’t go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American Way.”

19.) “OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I’LL KILL YOU!”

18.) “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.”

17.) “I don’t apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that’s the way I am.”

16.) “The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see. Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else…”

15.) “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

14.) “When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.”

13.) “I have to work overtime at work instead of spending time with my wife and kids, which is what I want.”

12.) “Kids are great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the internet and all.”

11.) “Marge, there’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.”

10.) “I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.”

9.) “Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.”

8.) “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”

7.) “Movies are the only escape from the drudgery of work and family … No offense.”

6.) “What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. ”

5.) “It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.”

4.) “Remember as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.”

3.) “Well, it’s 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. ”

2.) “Kids, kids. As far as Daddy’s concerned, you’re both potential murderers.”

1.) “Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”

We all love beer and we all love Homer Simpson. So why not get some advice from one of the most lovable drunks this side of Norm Peterson. Homer has had quite a few seasoned years as a “professional” drinker, and throughout those years he’s garnered a more than his fair share of knowledge on the subject.

As if we needed more reasons to knock back a cold one. Here are the best quotes from Mr. Homer J Simpson on the subject. So head over to the fridge, grab a can, pull off your pants, land your ass on the couch and take in the wisdom from this wise man.

15.) “I like my beer cold … my TV loud … and my homosexuals flaming.”

14.) “Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?”

13.) “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!”

12.) “Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.”

11.) “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose : it’s how drunk you get.”

10.) “Asleep at the switch? I wasn’t asleep, I was drunk.”

9.) “Marge send the kids to the neighbors. I’m coming home loaded.”

8.) “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”

7.) “Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”

6.) “A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one!”

5.) “Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.”

4.) “All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.”

3.) “Ah, good ol’ trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.”

2.) “Homer no function beer well without.”

1.) “Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”